Whoops! I went a little out of order.
In doing this blog, one of my main objectives is to tell the story from the beginning. We have many mediums that we have access to; we can watch them on TV, read their books, listen to their podcasts… but it seems to me like the stories always gloss over the how to’s, and get right to the part about proof and validation. It’s always the same iteration of “Well I’ve been seeing ghosts since I was ten. And now I have your grandmother here who is showing me a turquoise watch.”
Then everyone goes, “OOOOOHHHH, my grandma DID have a turquoise watch!”
Meanwhile I’ve been the one yelling at the TV going, “wait WHAT? BACKUP. Tell me about the ghosts! What did they say? What did they look like?”
So that’s the journey I want to take you on. I have NO IDEA where my life will be in a year, two, or ten. I don’t have any desires to be on TV, have people pay to go on cruises with me, or ask anyone to spend $500 for a reading on a two year waiting list. (Yet, anyway. *WINK* haha! I’m not knocking it- it’s just not where I’m at.)
I just want to A) continue to learn and have extremely badass spiritual experiences happen (is that too much to ask? 😉 ) and B) to share them when they do. Really, though, I feel like we are all finding this out together, and sometimes I’m the only one that can see the movie so I just have to tell you all about it as it goes along, you know?
Anyhow, I realized I had another story to tell when after my “coming out” a few days ago, I got a few specific email messages from friends. They were wondering if, when I’m around them, I’ve ever had any “feelings” about their loved ones who have passed away. Here’s the deal: if you would have asked me that prior to the Henry incident, I would have looked at you like you were nutso. But now? Well, I’m not so sure. Let me explain…
Near the end of last year (2015), I attended a swanky party with some old friends. This was just a couple months after the Henry Incident, and I hadn’t yet had any real guidance about the whole situation. I’d discussed it with close friends and family somewhat, but my head was (almost literally) still spinning. At that point, the biggest long term goal I had was to read a few books I’d found on some, again, WEIRD, spiritual internet site.
I hadn’t been at the party very long when in walked a woman who I had known ABOUT, but had never met in real life. I knew she had lost her sister (again in a very unexpected way) and suffice to say, they had been EXTREMELY close. We were introduced and all standing around in circle of about, maybe 15 people. Her name was Annie*, and after the introduction, I was standing directly to her right. Within just a few moments of our meeting, I felt my body leaning towards her. I actually wanted to not only touch my arm to hers, but to lean my head on her shoulder!
The whole mental process went quickly. My head was leaning in slowly, but touchdown was approaching fast! I had to overcome the deep desire to physically comfort this woman, with the absolute knowledge that this would be a bad scene for me. (Our direct circle was of 15 people, but that was inside a PARTY of, oh I don’t know… 200?) I remember pulling away from her defiantly and giving myself an internally stern “No! This cannot happen right now!” I stood up straight and moved over a few inches and tried to rejoin the conversation. Of course I didn’t hear a thing anyone was saying. My head felt like a radio trying to tune in. That’s the only sound I could hear. (I don’t even know how to spell that phonetically?! WHHHEEEEEOHHHHHHHH WHHEEEOOHHH? But take out the fluctuating “ZEEEOUUUS” of radio tuning and add more crackle. Makes perfect sense, right?) All I could envision was a repeat of the Henry scene, but now in front of 200 people I didn’t know! Me- sobbing hysterically in the bar? A crowd of people standing around wondering what was happening? NUUU UHH!
I just needed to get away from her, I figured. (To be clear, I now have the privilege of 20/20 hindsight. I don’t know at what point I was finally convinced this was a spirit and not me just being weird… but it certainly took a while. And remember, I had yet to talk to the weird medium in Houston from the previous post, so I didn’t yet have the tools to try to channel Annie’s sister any differently.) I made a beeline for the lobby and sat down in one of those swallow you up chairs that was tucked in a hidden corner and again tried to re-ground myself. Deep breathing, eyes closed… This was the point when I started entertaining the idea of pulling Annie aside to tell her… tell her WHAT? Good God how do I explain this? I knew it was either that or I leave the party, which I would have gladly done, but then I struggled with, “If it was my sister, wouldn’t I want to know?” I even actually started telling Annie’s sister, “Listen- I would love to help you but I don’t know how the heck to navigate this. You can’t just make me feel weird! You have to give me something to tell her.”
Having calmed myself down a bit, (and knowing people were going to start looking for me) I took a few more deep breaths, got some food and a soda water (Not wine! Gotta be clear headed for messages!) and made my way to a table to eat, AWAY from the bar. Lo and behold guess who comes and sits down at the table to eat her food? Yep. Annie. She didn’t sit right next to me- It was a large circular table and she was on the other side- but man did I feel her presence.
Another friend’s husband was seated next to me and he was politely making small talk, “So how have you been? What are you guys doing nowadays?” Well, anyone who knows me knows that I have TONS to tell, and I love to talk! I have three kids who all do amazing things and an awesome husband who is opening up a golf course with Tee Dub! I mean, C’MON! Where do I start, right? So I answer with,
“fine. Not much.”
All the while I keep shifting my eyes towards Annie. The anxiety was really kicking in now, so I excused myself as best I could and made a beeline for the bathroom… or the exit. I wasn’t sure where I was going to end up. On my way out I passed my girlfriend who I had come with. She was talking to another friend but noticed me and paused her conversation to ask where I was headed. I tried to make some neutral sign like I was just heading to the bathroom, but I just burst into tears instead. I had lost it- I didn’t know WHAT to do at that moment.
The two girls followed me up the stairs where I proceed to tell them what was happening. I had told my friend about the Henry incident, but we didn’t discuss it enough for me to be convinced that SHE was convinced. Again, I come at her with, “Remember that thing I told you about? Well it’s happening again.” (This is my new tagline, apparently.) We go back and forth about the ramifications and the what ifs (Should we tell Annie? Is she open to this? Will she freak?) and I finally just make a decision: “Yes. Go get her.”
I don’t know what my friend said or how she approached her, but within two minutes, Annie was being led up the stairs to me wide-eyed and with trepidation. I must also note that Annie seems beautiful, graceful, gentle… the kind of girl that at the get-go makes me feel like a big bounding puppy. Which just made this even more nerve wracking. She could tell I had been crying, and I nervously laughed through my tears and just said, “Can I talk to you for a minute?” We walked into a separate rarely used women’s lounge and sat down at a table. Nervous and anxiety riddled, I blathered on about the Henry story, trying to tell it in as few words as possible as to not lose my new audience in the rambling. “So I had this thing happen and now from the moment I met you your sister will not let up! Every time I get close to you it’s like this electrical current and I can’t think of anything else! I thought of just leaving but I couldn’t imagine having your sister trying so hard to communicate with you and me not telling you about it, but I don’t really have a message I just know she’s here.”
Annie smiled and was calmly reassuring to me, “It’s ok.” I don’t remember exactly, but she even added something about being into this stuff. She told me she was on a waiting list to see the Long Island Medium.
“Oh wow! Ok!” I was so relieved to know she was open to what was happening. I explained to her that I really have no idea what the heck I’m doing but…I guess maybe I could hold her hand and see if I can get anything?
So that’s what I did. I took her hands, closed my eyes, and tried to quiet my brain. I know I “got” a couple of things, but I still wasn’t sure what I was hearing wasn’t just me making stuff up. Remember how I said the women’s lounge was rarely used? Yeah, well, tonight I had a parade of lounge goers. Some of them were there just by coincidence, others had noticed the commotion and tried to pretend they, too, were just there for a break as they passed by. Needless to say, I certainly wasn’t feeling comfortable to sit there holding Annie’s hand in silence for very long. (I’ve also since learned that stress is one of the biggest blocks. And of course, this was a stressful situation for me!) I must have waded through it because I remember telling Annie, “She loves you. And she misses you and the kids.”
I tried to explain once again that while I could sense her sister was there, I just didn’t really know what the message was. Yet as I told her this- my whole… whats the word… self? Focus? Attitude? I don’t know that I can explain it. Something shifted. It was like all of a sudden the anxiety washed away and Annie’s sister made me feel that this was all she was asking for. She was perfectly content with me holding Annie’s hand, looking into her eyes, and Annie KNOWING that she was there.
And that’s exactly what I told Annie, hoping it was enough. Annie replied, and I knew I had done the right thing. “Wednesday is the anniversary of my sister’s death. I have a really rough week ahead. And this is going to make it a lot easier.”
I knew then, this was no coincidence. We hugged and I told her if I ever figured this medium thing out, I’d get in touch with her to make sure we “got” it all. I walked back downstairs and rejoined the party- all the anxiety (and mascara) now absolutely gone.
(Quick note: When I rejoined the party, another old friend approached me and gave the “whats the deal?” look. Not having the mental energy to make anything up, I unenthusiastically said something like, “Weellllll, I had this experience recently with this kid jumping into my body to talk to his mom and now I’m kind of getting some of those vibes tonight.”
She answers, “Oh GIRRRRL, that’s nothing. I’ve been seeing ghosts since I was six.”
Yeah, we’ll come back to that one soon.)
Now that I’ve told that story, back around to what made me think of it: the emails from my friends asking if I’ve ever felt “things” around them. Well, here’s what I figured out. If I had been in that same situation WITHOUT the Henry incident to go on- I would have written the whole party night experience off as random anxiety. The uneasiness would have probably made me go full introvert and leave early, or even more probable, drink! Three glasses of wine will certainly (unknowingly) put Spirit in it’s place! (FYI, Now that I’m all medium-y I like to capitalize ‘Spirit’.) Anyway, I certainly wouldn’t have had the catalogue to even contemplate that it might be spiritual energy.
So have I felt weird around friends? Maybe! But if I did, I didn’t know well enough to know what was making me feel that way, and I probably either left, or (again, lets be real here) drank with you. Odds are, there have been numerous situations where a spirit was trying to grab my attention, but I never took notice until two of them, 15 years apart, basically hit me over the head with a cast iron skillet ghost whomp.
Do I have a few more stories to catch you up to where I am today? Yes. And the next one I’m gonna tell you is so badass it gives me the chills and the willies at the same time. But in terms of where I’m at in my learning, at this very moment, I am in the same place as when I left that party. I’m really just trying to intercept messages before they become… frying pans.
10 thoughts on “Oh wait- lets take a step backward.”
Holly, this is amazing and I’m so glad you are sharing it with us. Are you still working with that psychic teacher you mentioned in the other post? And now that you are more open to it and somewhat understanding of it do you find that it happens more often?
Fascinating, absolutely fascinating! Love your style of writing….so “down to earth” although I sort of smile at that particular term!
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Holly I knew there was something special about you! I’m so happy to know you’re embracing this gift. Your words also help clarify the moments I have to suddenly hug someone, touch them, smile hugely, and somehow not be able to stop looking at them. I know how weird it may all seem but there’s a reason behind it all. I’m getting used to my “Maria” spirit I have lurking around me.
Love you to pieces and keep the blogs coming. Oh by the way, I bought the crystals and sage stick. Sometime you have to embrace the crazy for those “strange” negative ones you feel.
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I bought the sage too! Hahah! And I may or may not have bought a small little rock that happens to be pretty. 😉 thank you, and hello to Maria!
I have loved reading your blog. It’s very refreshing and comforting to me b/c in a way I know how you feel. Last summer I went though a traumatic experience and lost the hearing suddenly in my right ear. It happened so quickly that I might have missed these things if it had been gradual – but it was practically overnight. I was very dizzy for a few weeks but noticed immediately that but my other sense had been set on fire. Colors seemed brighter, smells and the power of touch were way more intense and my left ear could hear someone drop their keys 3 counties away – SUPER ear. 🙂 Shortly after it happened I started to sense vibrations, buzzing and pulses moving within and around my body. At first I didn’t know what was happening and it freaked me out, but then I just came to accept that it was happening and I needed to just let it go and do what it was doing. I told no one about it for months (and I’m a yoga teacher so I’m used to the “woo-nes” although not particularly “woo-ish” myself). Since then I’ve been completely fascinated with energy and I signed up for an Energy Medicine training course that begins in early May. I have told very few people about the training and what I’ve been experiencing…. and, yes, I’m supposed to bring crystals, a feather and other weird objects with me. EEEK. Reading your blog makes me feel better so much and I applaud you for having the courage to come forward and own it! (I’m not quite there yet but getting closer!) Both of us have a gift, I think, but there’s just so much stickiness surrounding it sometimes. Anyway, just wanted to say how much I’ve enjoyed reading and love your sense of humor. Thanks for shedding a little light of normalcy on all of this. 🙂 Can’t wait to read more!
I love love love this! Thank you for sharing and supporting. I’m just astounded at how many people have their own stories once you start talking about it. I’d love to hear/talk more if you want to email me instead of public comments. 😉
I’m so excited to hear more from you- when do you get back?
So when you feel a spirit visiting? taking over? ..I don’t even know what the proper word for it would be …is it like a possession of your body? Like this woman’s sister wanted to put your head on her shoulder? Was she just mentally telling you to do it in your mind only or do you feel what they feel? do you think she gave you her ‘urge’ to put your head on her shoulder? – seriously fascinated by all this, sorry for all the questions! haha! 🙂 Looking forward to hearing more of your experiences!
Oh sorry to just be answering! 🙂 So with the head on the shoulder thing – it was like I personally wanted to put my head on her shoulder but I also knew that that isn’t how “I” actually feel – they make me feel how they feel. It was the same thing with the first time when I was sobbing uncontrollably with the mom who had lost her son. I could not have told you why I i as Holly was crying – I wasn’t sad and I certainly had no reason to be crying. But I can tell you it was the most bone chilling sadness I’ve ever felt. Knock on wood – I haven’t lost anybody that’s been extremely close to me that would shatter my world. But I’m willing to bet that if I did – that bone chilling sadness is what would follow.