Tag: spirit guides

27. Signs

27. Signs

My dad, John Kampsen, could have been president, I swear. He’s the kind of guy that not only is well read, but he will engage in conversation so passionately that it makes you feel…important! He always remembers names, from the whole church congregation to the local gas station attendant. People WANT to be friends with him! He’s a helluva fit 73 years, and will randomly break into Thai chi while asking about your family. Or he may grab a guitar and play one of the finest versions of “twinkle twinkle little star” you’ve ever heard for the kids. He’s magnetic.

The problem is, everyone wants a piece of him, and rarely does anyone get it for long. My grandma, when she was alive, would spend much of our phone calls passive-aggressively mentioning that she hadn’t heard from my dad in months, or that my dad wasn’t coming over for Christmas that year. I would always tell her, “Welcome to the club, Gram!” Although it was probably just as much the other way around; me complaining and her trying to make me feel better by sharing that she, too, was out of the ‘Dad loop.’

Side note: If you’ve followed along with me from the get-go here, you may remember that my dad is also the person that wholeheartedly thinks I’m going to hell for doing mediumship. (I’m SURE he’d argue the semantics of that statement, but that’s the gist.) I remember one time I was so excited to have had another medium explain to me that Jesus himself was a prophet and spoke with the other side- and I excitedly called my dad thinking this would finally be the ticket; our two worlds ARE compatible! Crushingly, his reply was, “you think you’re the same as JESUS?!?!”

The point is, I want more of my Dad. I’ve always wanted more. More phone calls, more visits, more anything. It’s a weird thing to go though life angry that you don’t get enough of a person. It tends to make you feel like you aren’t enough. His passion for cacti and planting is almost certainly why I have way too many potted plants on my windowsills. His love of music is probably why I wanted to learn every instrument I could get my hands on. I wanted to connect with him.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen often.

And even more unfortunately, my dad now has really aggressive leukemia.

*******

A few days ago, I had a reading with a young college aged girl. The only thing I knew going into it was that her name is Devon. Come to find out, she lost her older brother, Nick, when she was in high school. It was a wonderful reading, even if I was feeling a bit rusty, because he gave small bits of evidence that, even if it was just a word to me- “Baseball”- Devon would smile and know exactly what he was talking about.

At the end of the reading, Devon’s brother showed me the book “Signs” by Laura Lynn Jackson. I’ve had this book since it came out in 2019, but it’s the first time it has popped up in a reading. I knew he wanted her to read it because he was really going to step up his “sign game” for her, but also wanted to make sure she would recognize when it was happening.

Within a day or two, Devon had already texted me that she’d gotten a sign. She was at a concert and witnessed the exact same scenario I had described in the reading about a guy with curly hair. At the time, we didn’t know what it meant. She offered, “It’s probably my dad, he has curly hair.”

“No, that doesn’t feel right,” I told her. All I was seeing was an outline, but I knew this curly haired guy was younger. I assumed it was a friend of Nick’s, but Devon couldn’t place it.


At the concert, though, as soon as Devon saw this man’s outline, she noticed he was wearing the same logo-ed brand of clothing her brother wore “all the time, but I haven’t seen since.”

“It’s a
terrible picture, but it
made me very happy.”- Devon

It seems so simple –it’s just a kid in a shirt– but I always stress to people, don’t let your own expectations (and just as importantly other’s expectations) dictate what constitutes a sign. Trust that “ting” that you feel! That “ting” is coming from something other than you. Don’t make the mistake of getting a sign that you KNOW deep down IS a sign, and then go “well if it’s REALLY you… blink the lights twice” or something just as silly. It doesn’t work like that. Learn to trust when you get a sign. And remember you dont have to explain (prove) it to anyone. Your connection to your loved one in spirit is as real (and private!) as you want it to be.

****

In the few days after my reading with Devon, I was talking to my sister, Laurel, on the phone. Laurel is a nurse, and thus is familiar with the terms and meds and all the things that are going on with my dad while he goes through chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant, and now… Leukemia. This is all in the past year. He and his wife retired, thinking they would finally get to do some traveling in their golden years, and as he put it it, ‘Then Covid hit… and then… Cancer.”

That morning my dad’s wife, Toni, had started texting us updates again. We already knew the cancer was back, but now his picc line to get the next round of chemo was infected. Dad couldn’t seem to catch a break and was back in the hospital. Laurel wondered aloud if she should get in her car and drive to Detroit. She lives in Virginia, so it’s not a quick jaunt, to say the least. She asked if I wanted to get a plane ticket and meet her there. But, we had doubt about going… “dad’s immune system… will the hospital let us in?… will dad and Toni feel burdened with us being there?” We agreed to reassess in the morning.

I then filled Laurel in on the reading with Devon. (Laurel is my biggest Small Medium fan, so I tend to go right to her with all the details. It’s the ONE thing in life that she defers to me for- spiritual guidance- so I usually tell her what I’m reading, what mediations I’m doing, etc.) I quickly mentioned I had seen the book “Signs” as a message. Laurel thanked me for reminding her, as she had the book on her shelf, too, and could see from where she was that it has a bookmark in it, and thus she needed to finish it.

And then we hung up.

I’m telling you, not four minutes later, I get this text from Laurel. She had taken down the Signs book to do a little reading, and this is the page it opened up to. THIS IS WHERE THE BOOKMARK WAS.

This is Laura Lynn Jackson’s book. Here she is talking about *her* dad, John. That *their* relationship was difficult. That *he* played guitar all the time. Laurel and I may have well written this paragraph!!!

After our heads stopped spinning, we both concluded that this indeed was a sign for us. But, what did it mean? Should we drop everything and get to Michigan? Again, we decided to sleep on it and see how we felt the next morning.

The next day, I called Laurel. Our dad was, of course, still in the hospital. “Should we go?” After mulling it over, we decided to wait. Clearly we’d gotten a sign, but did it mean to leave now? Or just that our Dad is up against an unbeatable competitor and we should start planning? What we didn’t want to do was project a sense of urgency to my dad and his wife, and worry them anymore than they already were.

If this was the end of my story, one would tend to think that it was pretty good in and of itself. “What a cool sign!” But NOOOOOOO. Spirit always has another trick up their sleeve!

Within an hour of the phone call with my sister, I received a text from a woman I sort of recently met, Amy. She’s a friend of my cousin, and I met her and her family when they all vacationed together in Austin last year. In chatting with her, we realized we were both into the “woo woo” stuff and have kept in touch every once in a while since. Well, I hadn’t heard from Amy in a few months at least, but that day she sent me this message:

Yeah. If my head was spinning before, it was now rolling down the hallway.

I quickly sent Amy a message back, going “You’re not gonna believe this but…” and I filled her in on what had transpired so far. “I dont wanna spoil anything but late in the book the author talks about her dad, John dying, which is my dads name and…” I gave her the whole rundown.

Let’s also revisit the fact that this book was released three years ago! Its not like it just came out and we are all reading a current NYT bestseller.

I FaceTimed my sister right then basically screaming, “you’re not gonna believe this!” And as we rehashed the whole crazy story, I get a new voice memo from Amy, in which she said:

“Well, Holly, it is a sign for you and Laurel to go to Michigan because when you popped in my head that’s what I was reading. The part about Laura Lynn Jackson’s dad John who is dying. That’s the chapter I was reading when I got the sign to text you and show you the book… fucking weird ass shit, dont you think?!” (That last part is why I really get along with Amy.)

I dont even know what to write here. All I feel is stunned silence. My jaw can’t drop any more. My eyes can’t open any wider. I am just in absolute…. awe. Just when I think Spirit is done stepping up their game with me, VOILA! It’s unreal.

But is isn’t. It’s REAL.

****

I’m a little embarrassed to admit… so far, the wrap up to this story is fairly anti-climactic.

*Sigh*

We have NOT left for Michigan yet.

I know, I know. It seems like I’m not taking my own advice about trusting signs. The thing is, I KNOW its a sign. I’m just not sure it was a sign saying, “get in the car RIGHT NOW.” God, I hope its not, because I’m still sitting at my desk in Texas while my dad is 1,432 miles away. I AM preparing, though. I’m calling my dad more often, I’m saying “I love you” at the end of every call, and I’ve asked him to please let me know when he is OK with me coming out. I told him I will hop on a plane tomorrow if he gives me the go-ahead. I also know that this sign I received is probably just as much of a “don’t listen to him, go anyway” as anything. John Kampsen is as stubborn as he is magnetic, and I can’t imagine the time will ever be “just right” for him to green light our trip. There will always be something.

Maybe, just maybe, the sign here is telling me I just need to take what I need finally, which is time with my dad, John.

21. It’s basic science, my dear!

21. It’s basic science, my dear!

Well, well well. It’s been a while, that’s for sure.

Since we last chatted, I’ve driven and moved across half the country, started my daughter in a new high school (and taught her to drive! EEK), taken my middle son back to college, and married off my oldest son. Truth is, I haven’t made a lot of time for Spirit. That’s not to say Spirit-y things haven’t been happening, but I also haven’t been as inclined to then share them either.

I usually get inspired by a reading or learning something new about the Spirit world and want to share it, but that didn’t happen, and I had spent the better part of the last year feeling like I was failing myself and my “audience.” That is until I came across a particular paragraph on a Facebook page for mediums I’m a part of. Of course, I promptly misplaced it, but it went something like this, (in a much more eloquent style, of course):

‘I haven’t been sharing everything because I needed it to be just for me for a while. I needed to experience these things without the filter of how I was going to retell the story.’

Something like that anyway. You get the gist. I realized I needed to be able to have the mediumship learning experience and not necessarily self-reflect in real time. I needed to get to the 20/20 of the hindsight. (Also meaning, I don’t feel bad anymore for ignoring writing. Ha!) I do have some fun things to share soon enough, but first…

I’ve really been holding back on you.

Last time we chatted I was telling you all about Joseph, my newfound Spirit guide. The thing is, I didnt tell everything. There was a pretty big portion of that “vision” that I left out. I didn’t think you were ready for it… or, maybe I didn’t think I was ready for the murmurs of, “ok, NOWWWWE’VE lost her. WHOA.”

In time, I shared my info with a few people, and the more and more I did, the more I learned that what I saw wasn’t so exactly out of the ordinary. That the idea actually existed in some religions even. And before you say, “Kalachakra? What are you talking about, lady?” Let’s recap.

As I shared in my last blog post, I was in a deep meditation last year when my Spirit Guide, Joseph, introduced himself to me. First, he showed me a past life where I was male and was dying from a gunshot to the chest. Jospeh then lifted my soul from that body and whisked me up to the spirit world. My epiphany at the time was that this guide had been with me through MANY lives, and loved me with the same (actually more) intensity than a mother can love a child. It was INTENSE. And I think that’s where I originally stopped the story… but it was the NEXT part where my brain sort of exploded.

You ready for this? After that, Joseph showed me myself in the “other” realm basically seated in a classroom learning about the ways of “it all.” The visions were in quick succession, but I went from sitting in a classroom looking at some sort of rolling screen, to then standing in the middle of a circle, and knowing that I could choose where to go for my next “life” from ANY point on that circle.

Next, Joseph next showed me a line. The end of the line to my left was the beginning of time, the other end being, well, the end of time. We, of course, are somewhere in between. THEN, he took the ends of the line and brought them together to form…. a circle.

THAT CIRCLE. The one you stand in the middle of where you get to choose where you are going for your next life iteration. That choice is anywhere IN TIME. Time is CIRCULAR.

Would you like to go get a cup of coffee, or maybe a glass of wine before we sit down and discuss this further? Ha!

OK. So I like to think of myself as a pretty scientific person. I think I’ve talked about this before- I firmly believe that what I am experiencing isn’t supernatural or magic, it’s just something we don’t know how to measure yet: a way of communicating that most of us dont pick up on. My guides know my brain works scientifically, and I truly believe it is why they gave me this special glimpse of the inner workings up there. So, I received an explanation to help me understand this in science-y terms: You know how when we stand at the coast, looking out onto the ocean, we see a flat horizon? Well we also know that if we get back far enough, perhaps way up high in a plane, we could see that the horizon actually bends, and going even further up would show us that eventually it comes together to form a globe. Nothing new here, I know. But let’s go further. You know how scientists have said that time bends? (Interstellar, anyone?) And we all usually collectively scratch our heads and go, HUH???? Well, it’s the same as it is for the horizon. If we stand far enough back, eventually time comes back around to itself.

Finally, there are infinite points on a line- we all learn that in Geometry, right? Thus, there are an infinite number of places on that circle we can “go.”

See? It’s all science!

I know. Take a moment if you must.

You might be thinking, “But Holly, If the curve of time is like the curve of the earth then shouldn’t it be a globe?” Well, yes, I agree, but I wasn’t given that info. I don’t know. But man, that kind of makes sense, and now that I’m thinking about it my brain is starting to freak out again. OUCH! The possibilities!

In other news, things have finally settled down again and I’m committed to giving this Spirit stuff the attention it deserves. I came across a tweet yesterday (that I actually saved!) which rings amazingly relevant for me right now,

“Not knowing how to go or where it leads, is no longer a valid reason to ignore your path.” (@SayitValencia/Twitter)

So, I’m done ignoring. I’m now in some fun online groups I’ll share about soon and have also signed up for another round of ghost school in April, so we should have some serious stories this year! And next time, I won’t keep any secrets. It is what it is and I’ve resigned myself to being the weirdo in the bunch. I even bought some Tarot cards. 😉

7. Will Paint for “My People”

*(Really quick- before I get into the latest goings on- I just want to sort of set the story straight about being “spiritually stabbed” from my last post. I’ve since heard that story gave a few people the heebie-jeebies and seemed a little frightening.  In hindsight, I probably told the story a little too casually.  So to clarify, I never felt like I was actually being stabbed. The pain in my back was not bad at all, it was just that spirit’s way of letting me know what had happened to him, and certainly wasn’t malicious or evil or scary in any way. To be clear- I have never encountered anything/anyone from the spirit realm that felt even remotely bad, evil, or up to no good.  So far, anyway.)

Alright then- Remember the “Mystical Charms” psychic lady from the store down the road from me? Well, I recently found myself painting her living room. Full on cutting-in, rollers, ladders… the whole deal.  For about three straight hours, in between discussing what part of the wall we may have missed, the lovely Leslie answered every question I could think of about being a psychic medium.

But wait- How did I end up there????  Good question. Thanks for asking.  🙂 Ha!

Last time I blogged-  I wrote about having gone into Leslie’s shop looking for- a mentor, really.  She talked to me for a few minutes- but then basically said she didn’t have time to be a teacher, but that there was spiritual church down the road I should try.  Well… I finally went to that- and I told you I’d tell you about it. You ready for a chuckle?

I showed up at the White Eagle church a few days later in the middle of a weekday afternoon.  I ended up speaking to two lovely older women who seemed interested in what I had to say and why I was there, but not outwardly surprised. They said I needed to talk to the pastor, Jane, but she was unavailable at that moment.  It would be better, they said, if I came back to one of their weekday meditations, and Jane could speak to me afterward.

Now just so we are clear, I had been pinning a lot of hopes on this church. I was crossing every finger that I had found “my people.” I WANTED this to be my answer.  So a few days later I show up around 8:15am, and I am the only vehicle in front of the building. I get out of my car – and what do I hear cutting through the silence of the rural morning? HOWLING WOLVES.  Not one. Not three. Probably not even five. This was MANY MULTIPLE AT LEAST FIVE WOLVES.  HOWLING. (Turns out the founder of the church was also an activist- so the church grounds bordered a wolf sanctuary.)

I proceed to walk into the temple, which is a perfectly round domed room.  As such, the acoustics are… LEGIT. You can hear everything;  A sniffle, a snaffle, a shoe shuffle. (What is a snaffle? I don’t know, but you’d hear it.)  One of the women I had met initially a few days before was sitting in the circle of chairs, eyes closed and already deep in thought- wearing a flowing white robe. She whispered her greetings to me and then politely told me to scoot over, cause that’s where Jane sits.  WHOOPS. I looked around the room for a few minutes nervously while Lady1 would inject a few whispers of explanation of what I was seeing every so often.  Finally, the others showed.  And when I say “others,” I mean two other people. One being the OTHER lady I met a few days ago, and Jane.  All wearing robes.

I tried to shake the Davinci Code vibes and focus on why I was there; To learn how to meditate, and to possibly meet someone who could just tell me what the heck to do. (I also then noticed that I was the only one who hadn’t removed my shoes. Uh Oh. WHOOPSIE again.)

The mediation starts with Lady 1 reading an opening prayer. I couldn’t tell you much of what she was saying- but it was nice, I’m sure.  Lady 1 then starts the mediation. I don’t know what I expected, but it probably wasn’t this.  In our meditation we were led to imagine ourselves walking through beautiful fields to the top of a mountain where we met some very important saints- and then… made our way back down the mountain.  Yes, that’s the overly simplified version. But still, there was no mention of spirit guides, mediumship, or Spirit in the way I was looking for.

When we got down to the bottom of the mountain- there were no further instructions. No- “thank you, we are done.”  No, “see you next week.” No, “how did that make you feel?”  So, I sat there, with my eyes closed, assuming this was now the time for some self reflection and personal mediation.

This is where I should remind you of the acoustics of the room.  You can hear anything right?  Well, maybe not so much. Because after a few minutes of sitting in silence and trying to meditate but at the same time wondering what the heck I’m supposed to be doing next, I do a quick pirate eye to slyly check the room.

AHOY! Gone. They’re all gone. I’m alone.

My stomach drops and all of a sudden I’m really hoping Tom Hanks/Robert Langdon runs into the room and saves me. I actually had to hide my head and let out a “what the F^&*?” chuckle. Right about then I heard a small noise behind the door and caught them peering in at me. I realized they were wondering what the heck I was doing! Oh my.  I quickly met up with everyone (all three! Big crowd!) in the hallway.  I thanked them all and lady 1 mentioned that they would love to see me back and maybe someday I’d wear the robes, too (if I wanted, of course.)

I asked Jane if I could speak to her further while she walked to her office, and we started to talk about what her church does, and what I am looking for. I must say- as much as I have made a little fun of the whole experience- these were lovely women. Jane just glows with kindness- and I really really wish it could have been my landing spot.  I would have taken the robes if it meant I had a clear path.  But it was not to be- Jane explained that while they absolutely believe in all the things I was telling her- that their church did not encourage mediumship.  She explained that the only time they allow themselves messages from “beyond” is during their meditation. Other than that – the protective curtain is drawn, so to speak.

I felt like I was back at square one.  I can’t help grieving people like that, can I?  So this church isn’t a fit- Leslie doesn’t have time for mentorship… Oh but wait! I forgot- I could just go pay for a reading from Leslie, right? And I’ll just use that time to get more info from her!

So off I go- back to Mystical Charms. “Hi! I’d like to set up a reading with Leslie.”

“Ohhh. We aren’t setting up any appointments until after the 10th,” her husband tells me.  (He runs the store while she does the readings) “We have a rental property we have do a lot of work in. Leslie is going to be painting it before the new tenants move in.”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Then, LIGHT BULB. “I can paint.”

“‘Scuse me?”

“I can paint! I will go over there and help her paint if she will just talk to me while I’m doing it! Here- I’ll give you my phone number.”

“Uhhh- ok. I’ll give her the message.”

The next afternoon, I got the call.  She gave me her address and two days later- there I was- helping Leslie paint.

I took it all in. 3 hours seemed like 30 minutes.  She reiterated the need for meditation. She taught me what to say to “protect” myself. She even told me what I need to say to my spirit guides, because lately, I haven’t been hearing them.

“Meditate and ask your guides to show you what the next step is.”  Alright, will do.

“Make sure you are listening to what Spirit and your Guides saying because if they are trying to talk to you and you keep on not listening, they may just stop trying.”  Oh no! Ok! Listening! 

“You can’t let EGO get in the way. It’s not about YOU. Ask them for forgiveness if you’ve been putting yourself first.”  Have I? Man, I’ve tried not to. But maybe..? To be sure, you can bet I’m gonna ask for forgiveness.

We went over many things- mostly small little detailed questions- mediums on TV, how different spirits communicate, how spiritualism is a much more accepted thing in Scotland so they can freely talk about it there, and children aren’t taught to suppress their gifts (as much as here, anyway.) One of the more interesting tid-bits for me was when she talked about manipulating energy.  (The medium in Houston talked about this too.) Basically, the simplified version is that you can both put ideas in people heads and also sort of make things happen.  She gave me an excercise to do: light a candle and view it through the reflection of a mirror. Concentrate on the various changing colors of the flame, and then mentally try to view the flame as all one color.  It may take a few tries, but it supposedly teaches you how to start to manipulate energy.  (Yes, I know this is a jump. Just go with me on this one. I’ll let you know when I master it. 🙂

I also asked her about those who are on the other side who had committed suicide. Did she find that there was a period of time where they couldn’t really communicate with her?  I started giving her the example of a woman I had spoke with who’s daughter had died. The mother was unsure if her daughter had taken her own life or if the daughters death was actually at the hands the boyfriend.  (In this instance- I had a very hard time getting any messages from this particular spirit. She had gotten my attention enough that I set up a meeting with her mother- but I never actually heard or saw her. She just basically made me “feel” things.) As I’m telling Leslie this, Leslie stops me with a question and an inquisitive look on her face- “was this recent?”

“Yes.”

“No. The boyfriend didn’t do it.  He could have stopped her, but he didn’t.”

I about jumped out of my skin- “that’s exactly what I told her!”  I was all at once again sad for this mother’s loss, in awe of what I was watching Leslie do, and reassured that what I had told the mother had been correct.  (I have thought about posting that particular story, but it was such an anomaly for me that I was kind of unsure about the whole thing- it was all based on how the daughter’s spirit made me feel- nothing evidential- and I had left it with the mother that we could try again down the line.)

As we were finishing up, Leslie admitted to me that she gets a lot of requests for guidance. That I’d be surprised at how many people walk into her store that have had experiences and don’t know what do about it.  She also told me that normally, she would have never taken me up on my offer, but that “something” told her to call me.   She thanked me more than once for actually doing the work (and not just talking while she painted) and told me she owed me “hours” of mentoring!  YAHOO!

As for today?  I will ask my guides to forgive my ego, ask them to show me the next step, and make damn sure I’m listening to them from now on. But,  I’m wondering if I don’t have this manipulating energy thing down a little bit already… I mean- I did get Leslie to teach me, right? And  I think I may have found my “person.”